I have been wracked with guilt over not having posted much of anything since launching in January. I have been overthinking and getting *so* very far ahead of myself (like always, I just get so excited)! I finally asked myself WHY?!? Why am I getting so worked up over this when it’s supposed to be a fun project I work on now and then to talk about my life and other various topics I am passionate about… (On that note, I am not a professional writer, so please excuse any grammatical errors, run on sentences, etc.)
This is a family story blog, a place for me to document my family’s history in the present moment and maybe where you as the reader can learn a tip or two from what we do. Instead, I’m getting obsessed with the details of reviews and recipes which while an important part of the plan for this page are certainly not the main focus, not at this point anyway so for the next few months consider this an introductory period where I introduce you to my family and things we’re doing while I
try to move past my anxiety get used to how everything works here.
One thing I always want to do here is be completely honest, as this is somewhere I want my children to be able to look back on one day, a place filled with memories of our life, no matter what we face together. As much as I wish I could provide my children with a mom like June Cleaver or Aunt Bee, with the perfect housekeeping, the perfect meals, the happy disposition all day long, or even better someone more down to earth like Jill Taylor, Claire Huxtable or ideally, Annie Camden, whom I really see as the epitome of real life mama’s, someone I see some of myself in but whom I would like to be more like in many ways; the reality of the matter is that I am much more reminiscent of someone like Frankie Heck or Roseanne… While I am not exactly proud of that, I am no longer going to be ashamed by it either, I am not going to let that define me as a mother or as a woman.
I fully believe (well, I am trying to anyway!) that you would rather read about what my life is really like than sugarcoating everything so it looks way better than it really is or avoiding posting because it’s not the most interesting day/week/month. That being said, I am constantly on a journey of self-discovery, and self-improvement, I know why I am the way I am, and I know where I want to end up, I know what my ultimate dreams and goals are for my life and now it’s just a matter of discovering the baby steps that it will take to accomplish them and then actually doing everything; which to keep things perfectly honest, is where I get overwhelmed but I am determined to make it work the best I possibly can.
What’s that new (old?) saying? YOLO? You Only Live Once. Well, it’s about time to start truly realizing that fact and figure out what to do with the life ahead of me right now. I have always been a procrastinator, growing up I got bad grades not because I didn’t understand the assignments nor because I didn’t do well on what I did but because I
was am a procrastinator and probably the most imperfect perfectionist on the planet so I would think about what I wanted to do but wait until the last minute to start a project, then try so hard to get it perfect that I would hand it in late. What was an “A” became a “C” or “D” by the time I turned it in. As an adult, it’s all Pinterest boards full of stuff I’ll never try, and a house full of half-finished projects (not the least of which has been this blog).
I want to change, and part of that is choosing priorities and focusing on accomplishing just those most important things to me instead of trying to be everything to everyone and not being useful to anyone in the process. The first step is recognizing that I need to change, right?
Even though it’s late, I have been thinking a lot about resolutions the past several months; with Christmas and all the stress that that brings and Shawn’s 12th birthday just 3 weeks later, resolutions haven’t ever exactly been a priority for me. I really want to make 2016 the year that I set some actual resolutions and not break them (not that I have a great track record of that…) so here are my regrets to work on and my resolutions to attempt to add to my life.
I don’t want to feel so guilty about those things I have no control over:
*not having the magazine or even normal house
*being sick more than I am well
*getting behind on what should be basic chores.
In fact, I don’t want to feel so guilty about everything in general from not devoting as much time to things as I would like to, to placing more emphasis on what other people think or what they might think than how I feel about things myself, especially when it comes to people who I want to care but simply don’t for whatever reasons as it is much harder to let go of my need for approval from them than it is from anyone else. I feel like it is time for me to figure out how to enjoy the life I have been given vs feeling upset and guilty over what I cannot do for myself or my family.
In 2016 I want to:
Launch my blog
Start really homeschooling Rohan
*Get everything sorted and put away in centers
Create a decent menu on a budget
Minimize our belongings
Find a coloring book and start coloring for stress relief
Find/Create some kind of exercise program I can follow
Start an organic garden
Find small ways to still be productive on my off days
Hopefully, here and there by New Year’s 2017, I can link those to posts where I have done at least some of them and really focus on making this blog what I have dreamed it could be for so long.
Thank you for joining me on my journey!
Did you make any resolutions this year? How are you coming on them?